Awareness Of Spirit Is A Choice

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It's pretty easy to talk ourselves out of awareness of spirit, the experience is so subtle.  It's so subtle that in a way we actually have to talk ourselves into noticing it.  It seems like a rare occurrence, yet we are spirit so we're basically 'connected' to spirit all the time.  Many would tell us we are imagining awareness of spirit.  When we do notice a connection, no wonder we question it.

It's not a bad thing to question it, not at the start.  Applying objective reasoning to the examination of subjective experience keeps us from naively believing just any old thing.  However, in order not to limit new discovery, we should research our experiences for ourselves, experiment with what works and what doesn't and how and why, and hold our minds open while we do so.  Objectively believing in spirit, being aware of spirit, and awakening to ourselves as spirit is easy with some exploration, experimentation, and research.

My adult life has been focused on this.  The past two decades I have deliberately sought awareness of spirit.  At this point, I've recently lost both parents.  This is the natural course of things in human life, and a definite low point.  But in terms of my awareness of spirit it has turned out to be a hight point.  I lost my dad just before Christmas and my mom in early March.  I've already posted blogs about feeling and hearing my dad.  The experience with my mom has been a little different.

Mom was sinking into dementia over the later years of her life.  It's been a couple of decades since she last was her fully competent self and she suffered in many ways.  Her old wise and witty self was in there somewhere and would make an appearance now and then.  But mostly she suffered.  In the end she was hit with a tortuous illness and a cascade of problems that took her rapidly downhill.

I worked the spiritual tools that work for me and I stayed pretty grounded through all of this.  It was still hard to watch a loved one suffer.  The suffering at the end of her life particularly got to me and by the time she died I was depressed.  Shortly after the phone call came telling me she'd died, I focused on her again with my favourite spiritual tool.  I was working to help ease her awareness of suffering especially in her passing.  However, instead of suffering going on I was met with the feeling of a party.  She was alive, in body and mind.  She was free.  And my dad was there.  My sister, too, her daughter who died a couple of decades ago.  Mom's sister, her sister-in-law, her brother, her parents, other family, friends.  Everybody was celebrating, my mom especially.  I'd forgotten how much my mom loved to party.

I guess I'd have to say over the past few months I've vacillated between grieving human loss and being aware of spirit.  The loss of my parents is so new and I still miss my sister to this day.  My humanness misses their humanness and I think it's important if we feel the loss to grieve it.  When I do so, however, I am aware of a choice.  I am counselled in that choice, too, in spirit by the very loved ones I've lost.  I've worked hard at hearing spirit and I can hear my loved ones speak to me when I'm grieving.  I can't feel their joy, though, because I'm focused on grief.  So, the grieving is short-lived, and I instead focus my awareness on the subtle experience of spirit, on the joy my loved ones are experiencing now.

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