Psychology can teach us about life's human meaning but not about its bigger meaning—the point of being here being human in the first place. I still had not found life's bigger meaning even after 20 years of studying and working with self-help psychology. I knew about being human, how it worked and why it worked that way. I knew how to work with being human in better ways, more effective ways. As long as I worked with what I knew, I functioned fairly well in my world. I had backed up into myself, had uncovered and changed and let go of old programming. I had worked my way deeper, and had found myself to have an objective essence central to me and to life, a place from which I lived a good life, a much more ideal life than I ever could have lived prior to self-help psychology's education in being human.
Being a human being in the dreamed-up world is really all about awareness. I didn't think about something called 'awareness' back in those days. I was simply able to occupy more of my awareness and in doing so I was also then able to be aware of the world around me from my centre. Life wasn't perfect, nor was I a perfect human. I was still working on old programming, in fact, there was still some deeply buried old programming of which I still had to become aware. I had lots more psychological work ahead of me. I was aware enough about myself as a human and about life around me that there wasn't much more to be learned. There was just the work to do. Frankly, I found myself a bit bored. For one thing, I wanted to learn more. For another thing, there had to be more to learn because I still didn't understand life's bigger meaning. Who were we humans, where did we come from, and why were we here? Yeah, living a good life was good, but there had to be more to human life than just that.
I wasn't thinking of myself as a seeker of life's meaning, not even then. Yet that is clearly who and what I was, my personal meaning. Scouring bookstores for books with new information to impart was a regular event in my life by then. I also scoured libraries. There was minimal online scouring in those days. I'd read hundreds and hundreds of self-help psychology books by that time. I had even read a book that today can be found on new age or metaphysical bookstore shelves. I've blogged about my encounter with that book because it led to me to meet my husband. That book had more of a religious flavour than a new age flavour, mind you, specifically Christian. It caused a miracle in one area of my life and I should have translated that thinking to other areas, but that new relationship brought new psychological challenges which distracted me. Besides, I had already tried working with religious thinking. It didn't know life's bigger meaning either.
The idea of a soul I would return to after death was as inaccessible to me then as was my soul itself. I had dug down deep into my human self and found an essential human core, but I didn't know what to do next. So, I just kept scouring for books about being human, living life, and possible meaning. And suddenly I found one, stumbled upon it really—a new age book in the psychology section of my local library, a very bold and brassy version of new age book. But it was the perfect book for me because it talked about how I was a spirit being, not a human being, and in an instant my awareness caught a glimpse within myself and knew that this was true. It was not only true, in that instant everything about being human that hadn't made sense before suddenly made sense.
That book was the book that triggered my glimpse of spirit. I've blogged about that already. What I didn't say was that self-help psychology led me to that glimpse. Unbeknownst to me, throughout those 20 years of hard work studying and working with self-help psychology, I was getting ready to glimpse of spirit. We can glimpse spirit without knowing anything about psychology, never mind studying and working with it. More ordinary humans are glimpsing spirit these days than ever before. Without psychology's prep work in deepening awareness, however, spirit is glimpsed but the true significance of the glimpse is not recognized.